


you're everything to me

by neverendingcalm



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 23:03:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7864969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverendingcalm/pseuds/neverendingcalm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke wonders why she’s not being more cautious like Raven. She wonders why she doesn’t care if Lexa doesn’t want anything more than just friendship. She wonders why she would risk her heart being broken a thousand times just to be able to spend more time with this girl.</p>
<p>She doesn’t care, though. She’s worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're everything to me

Clarke stares down at her feet as she walks down her block, shoulders lifted and chin tucked to protect her neck from the cold. She really wishes she remembered to bring her scarf. Snow is just beginning to fall on the streets and she can’t help but smile at that.

Snow reminds her of excitement. Of childhood. Of standing by her window in her bedroom window as a child, watching the snow fall gently to the ground, hoping and praying for a day off from school. It reminds her of making snow angels with her mom, or building snowmen with her dad. 

Now, even as an adult, it’s been a few years since she moved out of her home. It’s been a long time since she’s made snow angels or built snow men. The snow still fills her with a sense of wonder, of comfort. 

She makes her way to the small grocery shop on the corner of her street and practically moans as she enters and feels the warmth. You think because she’s been living on her own for a few years now that she would be good at grocery shopping, and keeping her house filled with food. But, she really isn’t. It’s not that she doesn’t have time for it. She does. She can just think of better things to do with her free time instead of food shopping. It’s always bored her. 

She grabs a cart from the front of the store and makes her way over to the fruits and vegetables. As she’s picking up and looking over some apples, she feels something collide against her leg and almost screams from the scare. She sticks her hand out to steady whatever it is that crashed against her. When she calms down, she lowers her head and sees a young boy dragging his heavy winter coat behind him, smiling up at her. 

“Hi,” she says, confused, before looking around to see who this child belongs to. 

“I’m hiding,” he whispers, giggling, and looking around the store before looking back up at Clarke.

Clarke can’t help but smile at this, as she lowers herself down to his level. He’s a cute kid. Probably only 6 or 7, with short blonde hair and bright green eyes. “Your parents probably won’t be very happy that you’re hiding from them,” she whispers back. “They’re probably scared.”

“It’s just my Aunt,” he says, still smiling, before frowning. “She wasn’t happy the last time I did this.”

Clarke tries to hide her smile as she sees the boy realize his mistake. Before he gets more upset, Clarke stands and holds out her hand. “How about we go find her and then you can tell her you’re sorry for hiding and you won’t do it again. Okay?”

He looks at her hand like he’s not sure he trusts it yet before tilting his head and looking up at Clarke. “Are you a stranger? I’m not supposed to talk to strangers,” he realizes.

“Well,” Clarke starts, holding her hand out for the boy to shake. “I’m Clarke. How about we go find your aunt, now. Okay?”

He stares at her hand again before sighing and shaking it. “Okay,” he drags out and Clarke smiles. He’s so dramatic.

He holds Clarke’s hand and she starts to walk around the small store looking for this women. “What does your aunt look like? Where was she when you started hiding?”

“Um,” he starts, looking up at the ceiling like it holds all the answers. “She has brown hair. And a black jacket. And shoes. And she was by the yogurt.”

Clarke nods at this. Brown hair, jacket, shoes. Totally not like almost every other woman in this store right now. 

“There!” the little boy exclaims, hopping excitedly when he sees his aunt. 

Clarke looks to where the boy is pointing and she sees the back of a lady holding up her hands, talking to a cashier. She’s holding up her hand as if to tell the cashier the height of her nephew, and Clarke can’t help but feel bad for her. She must be so nervous. 

Before the aunt or the cashier can do anything else, the boy runs up to his aunt, colliding with her back, giggling. 

When the lady turns around, however, Clarke’s eyes widen. Oh God. The aunt looks down and sees the boy hugging around her legs and she sighs in relief, bending down to capture the boy in a hug. Clarke reaches up to fiddle with her necklace before tucking it into her shirt. 

Clarke sees her start to reprimand the boy, but she’s not close enough to hear what she’s saying. Soon after, however, the boy must remember his new friend, because he turns around and points to Clarke, causing his aunt to look her way, as well.

Green eyes meet blue and widen comically. Or, Clarke would think it was comical if she wasn’t in such shock. 

She makes her way over, and stops when she is just a few feet away from the boy and his aunt, her hands nervously tucked into her coat pocket. 

“Clarke,” she hears in that voice that she hasn’t heard in years. The voice she never thought she’d hear again. It’s said in such a soft whisper that Clarke almost missed it. Green eyes are still open wide. 

“Lexa,” Clarke says, back, moving her eyes from the girl’s green ones to take in the features of her face, before making their way back to green. 

They stare at each other for a few moments then, just taking each other in, before they hear the little boy still holding on to Lexa’s leg speak up again. “You know Clarke?!” he asks excited. “She’s my friend. She helped me find you.” He’s grinning up at them, his eyes moving back and forth and Clarke smiles. 

“Yeah, I know Clarke,” Lexa sighs, smiling down at the boy before looking back over to Clarke. “I see you’ve met Aden. Thank you so much for helping him. He has a bad habit of running around to explore when we’re shopping.”

Clarke’s eyes widen for what feels like the thousandth time that night. Right. Aden. The little boy who Lexa was given to take care of when they were young. Just 22 years old. His parent’s, Lexa’s cousin and her cousin’s husband died when he was just a newborn. 

“Aden,” Clarke says as if it all clicks. Lexa nods, and clenches her jaw. It’s something about her that Clarke learned over the years. Whenever they fought she would clench her jaw. Whenever Clarke did that thing with her fingers that she loved she would clench her jaw. Whenever she tried to hold in her laughter she would clench her jaw.

However, Clarke knows that she also does this when she’s nervous. She doesn’t want her to be nervous. Clarke bends down to be on Aden’s level again and smiles. “Your aunt and I used to be very close when we were younger,” she says, smiling at the boy’s excitement. “When you were just a little baby.”

“I’m not a baby anymore,” he states, chest puffed and proud, causing Clarke to laugh and ruffle his hair. 

“No, you’re a big kid now,” she says, excited, before standing up and looking back to Lexa, the brunette's eyes having been on her the whole time. “He’s really sweet, Lexa. You’re doing really well.”

Lexa swallows, still seeming like she’s speechless, before she nods again. “Thank you, Clarke,” she says, sounding like she’s holding back tears. “He’s a great kid. Just like his mom.”

Clarke feels herself getting teary-eyed, as well. Lexa’s emotions always did have a toll on her own emotions. Whenever Lexa was happy, Clarke was overjoyed. When Lexa cried tears of joy when Clarke confessed her love for her, Clarke felt herself choke up as well. And when Lexa broke down when she found out about the accident, Clarke wanted to lose it. She wanted to. But she had to stay strong. She had to be strong for Lexa. For Lexa and for this new baby she had in her life. 

“You should be proud,” Clarke whispers, before remembering where she is and who is around them. She clears her throat. “So, I should get back to shopping,” she says, fiddling with her hands in front of her. “As much as I wish I could, I can’t have pizza and chinese every night for dinner.”

Lexa smiles at this and Clarke just about dies. She always was so weak for that smile. “No, I can’t imagine that would be healthy,” she jokes. 

“I love pizza!” Aden exclaims, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Can Clarke come over for pizza tomorrow?”

Lexa looks down at the boy, and then back over to Clarke. “Maybe not tomorrow, buddy,” she says, still looking at Clarke. “But maybe soon, if she’d like to.”

Clarke’s looks up from where she was looking at the boy and looks at Lexa in shock. “Oh, uh, yeah?” she asks, wanting to make sure Lexa isn’t just saying this to make Aden happy. At Lexa’s small smile and shrug Clarke nods slowly, cautiously. “Sure. I can do pizza.”

At this, Aden, whoops, causing both girls to chuckle and Lexa to shake her head, smiling. “So, is your number the same?” she asks, before she flinches, seemingly remembering the numerous calls and voicemails Clarke left when they first broke up.

But that was years ago, and Aden is older now, and Lexa is more mature. 22 was still a child. But they’re 28 now, and things change. Clarke just smiles, running her hand up and down her own sleeved arm. “Yeah, it’s still the same. Do you still have it?”

Lexa nods, not even having to think. “Of course.”

“Okay,” Clarke says. “Well, then call me and we’ll set it all up.” She looks back down at Aden and smiles. “So I’ll probably see you soon, kid. How does that sound?”

“I can’t wait,” he smiles, his little hand moving to clutch onto Lexa’s. Lexa grabs it and wraps her hand around his little one and it seems natural. So natural. Clarke smiles at this. Lexa always was good at things. Clarke always knew she would make a great parent. 

“Me either,” Clarke whispers, eyes moving back to Lexa. “I’ll talk to you soon, Lexa.”

Lexa nods, watching as Clarke starts to back away to get back to her cart. “Yeah. Soon.”  
____________________________________

“You’re shitting me,” Raven says into the phone and Clarke sighs, relaxing back in her bed, staring up at her ceiling. 

“I kid you not,” Clarke says, holding her phone against her ear, other hand holding her necklace around her neck. “It was her. Her and Aden.”

“Wow,” Raven says, seeming speechless.

“Yeah,” Clarke sighs. “My God. She’s still so gorgeous. I mean, she raised a child, Raven. She’s probably changed so much. But she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“Clarke,” Raven starts, cautiously. “She broke your heart. You were together for four years and she just broke your heart.”

Clarke knows that Raven is just looking out for her. She wants her to be careful, but Clarke can’t help but get defensive of Lexa. She always has been and she always will be. “Raven, this girl was literally handed a newborn to raise when she was only 22,” Clarke starts, sitting up in bed, hand still gripping her necklace. “It’s what she felt like she needed to do, and as much as that killed me. Still kills me. I get it.”

“Do you?” Raven asks, and Clarke closes her eyes, sighing. 

“Yeah,” she says, uncertain. “I mean, I want to understand. I could’ve been there for her.” The line is silent and Clarke can feel herself getting choked up, so she clears her throat, running her hand through her hair. “They asked me to hang out.”

“And,” Raven asks. “Is that something you think you want to do?”

“Yeah,” Clarke sighs. “I think it is.”

___________________________________

She’s sitting in her art studio working on her latest piece, paint all over her hands and arms. She certain there is probably some of her face, as well. She doesn’t mind. She feels at ease when she’s doing this. Like she has total control. 

She feels her phone vibrate in her pocket, and usually when she’s in the zone like this she’ll leave it. She’d let it go to voicemail. Not lately, however. Not when she’s been patiently waiting for a certain call for the last 3 days since she left that grocery store. 

She doesn’t have Lexa’s number, anymore. Not since her phone broke years ago and she lost all her contacts. It killed her at the time; the fact that she couldn’t get in contact with the girl even if she needed to. 

She pulls her phone out of her pocket now, and her heart starts to beat like crazy when she sees the unknown number on the screen. She takes a deep breath before accepting the call and bringing her phone to her ear. “Hello?”

“Hi,” she hears, so so softly on the other end and a smile pulls at the corner of her lips. “Clarke?”

“Yeah,” Clarke says, picking at a dried spot of paint on her pants. “Lexa.”

It’s not a question. She knows it’s Lexa. She’ll always know that voice. The voice she fell in love with. 

“I hope this isn’t a bad time,” Lexa says. “Aden has been driving me crazy about calling you. He’s really looking forward to that pizza date. If you still want to do that. No pressure.”

Clarke smiles at the girl’s obvious nervousness. “Just Aden?” she teases, picturing the blush rise on Lexa’s cheeks. 

“No,” she hears. “Not just Aden.”

“I would still love to have pizza with you guys,” she admits, hand back on her necklace. A habit that she never seemed to break. 

“Great,” Lexa starts, excited. “Well, we’re free tonight if you are. I get that it’s last minute. We can do it whenever you’re free.”

“Oh, no. Tonight works,” Clarke says, so anxious, but so excited.

“Oh, okay. Awesome,” Lexa says, and Clarke hears an excited yell in the background, obviously Aden having heard the confirmation. “Well, we’ll see you tonight then? How does six o’clock sound?”

“That’s perfect, Lexa. I’ll see you tonight,” Clarke says, loving how that sounds coming out of her mouth after all these years. 

“Okay, great, cool,” Lexa says, nervously and Clarke bites her lip to control her smile. “I’ll text you my address.”

“Tell Aden I said I cannot wait to see him again,” Clarke admits. “Bye, Lexa.”  
“Will do. Bye, Clarke,” Lexa sighs. 

When the call ends, Clarke stares down at her phone, wondering how the hell everything has changed in just a few days.

___________________________________

She stares at the number on the apartment door for at least 2 minutes before working up the courage to knock. She hears loud clumsy footsteps and a tiny voice yell “I’ll get it,” before the door is swinging open, and Clarke is met with a small grinning boy, dressed in warm fluffy pajamas. 

“Hi,” he exclaims, happily, taking Clarke’s hand and dragging her into the apartment.

“Hey, bud,” she says, giggling. He really is adorable. “Where’s your aunt?”

“Here,” Clarke hears before she sees Lexa appear in what must be the kitchen entrance. “The pizza just got here, so it’s nice and warm.” She smiles and moves over to Clarke and Aden to help the blonde remove her coat before she hangs it up by the door with her purse.

Clarke, however, is speechless. She’s not used to seeing Lexa like this. Not anymore, at least. In her comfortable sweats with her glasses resting on her face. It brings back so many memories of them cuddling and hanging out between classes or at night. Clarke is sure it’s those moments that made her fall in love.

“Hi,” Lexa whispers once she returns from hanging up the coat, realizing this might be a lot for Clarke to take in. “I’m glad you came.”

“Me too,” Clarke whispers before clearing her throat and smiling.

“I should have warned you, however, that Aden wanted to make this a pizza pajama party, so you may be somewhat overdressed,” she jokes to ease the tension. 

Clarke looks down at her own jeans and sweater and shrugs. “Warn a girl next time,” she jokes causing Lexa to smile.

“Next time,” she sighs happily. “Well, come on. I doubt Aden waited for us, and he is an eating machine.”

Clarke follows Lexa in the kitchen and smiles when she sees the little boy already sitting down, pizza all over his face and hands. “Hey, Aden. Did any of that actually make it to your mouth,” she jokes, causing Lexa to chuckle. 

“Clarke! Sit next to me,” he says happily, pointing to the chair next to him. “Friends always sit next to each other.”

Clarke smiles and looks over to Lexa to see her smiling herself while putting two slices on two separate plates. “You heard the boy,” she jokes, handing Clarke her plate before pulling out the girl’s chair for her. 

“Thank you,” Clarke says, sitting down and smiling over at Aden, who is watching her happily.

Lexa takes the seat directly across from Clarke before she stands and makes her way to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of ranch dressing, handing it to Clarke. Clarke accepts the bottle slowly, shocked. 

“You used to always dip your pizza in this. I don’t know why. It’s gross,” Lexa jokes, one corner of her mouth tilted into a smile. “I picked some up just in case you still did that.”

Clarke stares at Lexa, and at the red blush on her cheeks and the twinkle in her eye. Lexa always has thought of others before she thought of herself. She swallows before nodding her head. “Of course I do, Lexa. It’s the only way to eat pizza,” she says, applying some dressing to her plate. “Thank you.”

They eat their meal, and listen to Aden talk about school and his friends and whatever thought pops into his cute little brain. Clarke smiles and meets Lexa’s eyes from across the table, hoping the girl can still read her thoughts like she used to be able to. I’m so proud of you. 

Lexa smiles back, and Clarke thinks that maybe, just maybe, she can. 

______________________________________

After dinner, Aden’s puppy dog eyes and adorable pout are enough to convince Lexa and Clarke to watch cartoons with him. 

They’re sitting on the couch, Aden between them, resting his head on Clarke’s lap and his feet on Lexa’s. 

“He really does like you, Clarke,” Lexa whispers, rubbing her hand along the sleeping boy’s ankle. “He doesn’t warm up to people easily, but he hasn’t stopped talking about you.”

“Like nephew like aunt,” Clarke jokes. “I seem to remember you being quite fond of me, too, back in the day when we met in English class. Freshman year of college.”

Lexa just chuckles, shaking her head, looking down at Aden to avoid Clarke seeing the blush on her cheeks. “God, that feels like ages ago.”

“A lot has changed,” Clarke whispers. 

Lexa looks up from Aden to Clarke’s face, and nods, so small that Clarke almost didn’t see it. “Yeah,” she sighs, removing Aden’s feet from her lap and standing. “I should take him to bed. I’ll be right back?”

She says it like it’s a question. Like she’s hoping and wondering if Clarke will still be there when she gets back. Little does she know Clarke would walk around the world ten times if it’s what Lexa wanted. She doesn’t know if that scares her or not. 

“Okay,” Clarke whispers and Lexa smiles, so small and so unbelievably gorgeous. 

Clarke sits on the couch with her hands in her lap, thinking of how she got in this situation right now. She didn’t think she would ever be living this moment right now. In Lexa’s living room, finishing up cuddling and watching cartoons with a little boy that Lexa raised to be the way he is. She smiles. She wonders if Lexa knows how amazing she really is. 

She looks up when she hears footsteps and sees Lexa making her way back into the living room. She pauses before she reaches Clarke, however, and asks, “Would you like a glass of wine?”

Clarke wonders why she’s not being more cautious like Raven. She wonders why she doesn’t care if Lexa doesn’t want anything more than just friendship. She wonders why she would risk her heart being broken a thousand times just to be able to spend more time with this girl.

She doesn’t care, though. She’s worth it. 

“Yeah,” Clarke states. “Sure.”

As Lexa makes her way back with two glasses of wine, she hands one to Clarke and sits back down on the sofa, where she was before. Clarke knows she’s being cautious, herself. She knows that Lexa is nervous. She’s nervous because she broke Clarke’s heart.

“Aden really is amazing, Lexa,” Clarke admits after taking a sip. “You did so well. You really are a natural.”

Lexa meets Clarke’s eyes and smiles, running her finger around the top of her own glass. “Thank you. He’s a great kid. Anya and John would be proud of him.”

“And you,” Clarke adds, feeling like Lexa needs to know this. “They would be so thankful and so proud of you.”

She sees Lexa’s eyes water and the girl nods, clearing her throat. “Clarke,” she starts. “Why are you being so kind to me?”

Clarke wasn’t expecting that. “What?”

“You can be kind to Aden. I appreciate that. But, you don’t have to be kind to me,” she whispers. 

“Lexa,” Clarke starts, placing her glass down on the coffee table. “I have no reason to be unkind to you.”

Lexa scoffs at that. At herself. “I broke up with you, and ignored you until you never spoke to me again. I’d say that’s a good reason.” She’s angry at herself, and Clarke wishes she wouldn’t be.

“Yeah. You broke my heart,” Clarke says sadly. “But you had no choice. You had this new little baby in your life. Thrown at you, forcing you to become a mother figure. You were so young. We were so young. And I get that you didn’t want to have to deal with me, or a relationship, while taking care of a baby. I don’t hold that against you.”

At this, Lexa looks up, brows furrowed. “Clarke, I didn’t break up with you because I didn’t want to ‘deal with’ you,” she says, moving to sit closer.

“What?” Clarke is confused now.

“You were never a bother to me, Clarke. Never something that caused me any kind of trouble. You were everything to me,” she whispers. “I broke up with you because I didn’t want you to be thrown into this with me. I didn’t want you to have to raise a child with me before you were ready. I wanted you to have a chance to do things at your own pace. In your own way. I did it for you. I wanted you to have the chance to meet someone and do things right.” Clarke could tell that last part kills Lexa to think about. 

Tears are slowly streaming down their faces now, and Clarke moves her hand to rest on Lexa’s thigh. “God, Lexa,” she starts. “There’s nothing I wanted more than to be with you. No matter what was thrown at us. Sure, Aden would have been a lot of work. But we would’ve gotten through it. Together. I didn’t want anyone else… I still don’t.”

Lexa looks shocked at this, moving to rest her hand against Clarke’s.

Clarke uses her free hand to pull her necklace free from under her sweater. She sees Lexa looks down at the jewelry, before looking back up and meeting Clarke’s eyes. “You still have it?”

“Of course. You gave this to me the night you said you loved me,” Clarke whispers. “I never took it off.”

Lexa lifts her hand, tentatively to touch the necklace. Clarke takes the hand and lifts it to her lips, kissing the palm. She feels Lexa lift her other hand to wipe at the fallen tears on her face. 

“I still love you,” Lexa whispers. “I never stopped.”

Clarke nods at this, holding back her sob. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to not love you, Lexa,” she admits.

Lexa moves her hands to gently grip Clarke’s jaw, pulling her in, resting their foreheads together. Her eyes move from Clarke’s lips to her eyes, and back again, before she gently moves her head to connect their lips. The kiss is soft and gentle, but Clarke feels like everything makes sense again. Like her whole world makes sense again. She rests her hands around Lexa’s neck, gently playing with the girl’s hair there. 

When Lexa pulls away, Clarke smiles, moving her hands to wipe Lexa’s tears, now.

“You always were a pretty crier,” Lexa says, voice teasing.

Clarke just lets out a short, watery laugh, shaking her head before connecting their lips again.


End file.
